Here’s how to get people to change:
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Nobody Likes To Be Told What To Do: When we tell people what to do, they resist. Ask questions instead. Support “change talk.” Ignore “sustain talk.”
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Use “OARS”: Ask open questions. Affirm their strengths. Lots of reflective listening. Summarize.
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Shift The Ratio Of Change Talk To Sustain Talk: Ask questions that provoke DARN: Desire, Ability, Reasons and Need. This gets them focused on changing instead of sustaining.
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Develop Discrepancy: Ask questions that evoke the discrepancy between their values and behavior.
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Evoke Hope: Get them to reflect on previous successes in changing behavior. Get them to apply those lessons to the current issue.
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Planning: Ask “So what’s next?” Use questions to get them to clarify and make a concrete plan. Summarize. Present possible challenges so they can troubleshoot and solidify the agenda.
Nobody Likes to be Told What to Do
As Bern Williams said: “Unsolicited advice is the junk mail of life.” But, more importantly, Goethe said, “If you treat an individual as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.”
DARN
- Desire: I want to lose weight
- Ability: I want to run a marathon but I don't think I can do it
- Reasons: I want to exercise so I have more energy
- Need: I need to get in better shape
- "How do you want your life to be different a year from now?” provokes Desire statements.
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“If you did really decide you want to lose weight, how could you do it?” can get Ability responses.
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“Why would you want to get more exercise?” gets you Reasons.
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“How serious or urgent does this feel to you?” evokes Need.
Develop DiscrepancyResearch show one of the primary motivators for change is someone noticing the discrepancy between their goals and their behavior. It’s uncomfortable. And to relieve that discomfort, our behaviors usually change before our values do.
Evoke HopeThe best way to get people’s confidence up is to ask them about previous challenges they successfully overcame.
PlanningAt this point you’ll want to lean back, tent your fingers and smirk. Don’t. Instead, be happy for them.
From
https://bakadesuyo.com/2022/05/get-people-to-change/